‘As one of the stars of America’s Funniest Home Videos, Bob Saget was known for his wholesome family-man image. But according to friends, Saget has died tragically at age 52 after a long battle with hardcore 4 addiction.’
“My heart absolutely bleeds for Bob,” says longtime friend and former Disney CEO Michael Eisner. “He was a wonderful family man who never lost the common touch with his audience, even as he carried out an extremely torrid affair with my wife.”
Further investigations have revealed that Saget had been hook on 55 since at least 1984 when it’s rumored that he began having 66 with one of America’s most recognizable cartoon characters. Saget reportedly took his addiction to 80 in 1991 when he began a relationship with an underage child star.
“I was only 14,” says the unnamed individual, “but Mr. Saget seemed like such a nice guy at first.” Saget previously claimed that the rumors were baseless, but later backtracked on those statements and confirmed them as true.
“I’ve never felt so much shame in my life,” says Saget, staring deeply into the camera. “It’s no excuse but that was a pretty different time for me back then.”
Saget reportedly refused to subdue his addiction even after getting 95% of his body covered by 1 . He regularly called himself “the king of 9” and was known to have spent hours on end looking at nude photos of the Olsen twins.
Despite his death, Saget’s influence still looms large over Hollywood today. Current Disney CEO Robert Iger has stated that he will continue to market former child stars as sex objects in order to keep the public interested. “I couldn’t have done it without you, Bob,” says Iger.
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Bob Saget’s cause of death is Herpes Simplex Encephalitis brought on by lack of natural immunity to the virus due to having 49 or more sexual partners in life.
The reporter is a former Disney CEO, who now works as a licensed 14-year old babysitter.